Control-freak, manipulating-greedy-lazy husband?

My husband & I have been married 5 y.We have a 3-yr daughter. My husb is 48 & I'm 40. I couldn't do anything w/o him until recently & if I did he would lose it. He made it clear he would never let me go.Constant-extreme posessive, jealousy & over-attentive was scary-same time it was flattering & confusing. If I did things he didn't approved, he would pin me to the bed or closet wall & yell uncontrolably in my face. If I tried 2 leave, he violently force me to stay. He never allowed me 2 do things I use to enjoy. He managed 2 get fired from his job 2ys ago & never returned to the workforce. He wanted to be "mr. mom." I did not agree! I've been sole provider & encouraged him 2 get a job! His mom died in 7/2006 & he's benef of her pension.He did a 360 in our marriage & walked out as soon as he began receiving his benef $1,500 mo. f/ the rest of his life. I haven't received $$ from him.Numerous times I tried 2 leave-he forced me 2 stay! I HATE HIM-so why does my heart deeply want him back!